Librarian Recommended

It’s An Elevator

(On the top floor of a 2 story building)

Patron: “Does this elevator go up?”

Me: “No, just down.”

Patron: “Well, which one goes up?”

Me: “There is no up ma’am, just down. We’re on the top floor, so all you can do is go down.”

Patron: “Well then how am I supposed to get back UP if this only goes DOWN?”

Yeah… No.

Patron: “Hey, can I borrow your email address? I am trying to buy concert tickets and they need an email.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give you my email for your personal use. I can help you set up an email if you don’t have one though.”

Patron: “No, see, I HAVE an email already but I can’t give them that because my computer at home is broken, so I can’t get in my email!”

Me: “Did you forget your password? We can help you reset it?”

Patron: “NO. I’m not stupid, I know my password, but my computer is BROKEN so I can’t get in my email!”

Me: “You know you can access your email from ANY computer right?”

Patron: “UGH! This is so stupid!” (walks away)

Flip It And Reverse It.

Patron: “I WANT MY MONEY BACK! YOUR COPIER IS BROKEN!! IT MESSED UP THIS VERY IMPOSRTANT COPY”

Me: “Oh I’m so sorry, can you tell me what happened?”

Patron: “Well, I went to copy this important legal document and your copier printed it UPSIDE DOWN!”

Me: “I see.” (rotates paper 180 degrees so it is right side up) “There you go. All fixed.”

Time Is Relative, I Guess.

Patron: “This is a 10 day book, right?”

Me: “No, that would check out for three weeks, the 10 day ones have a sticker that says “New” and another which says “10 days.”

Patron: “So… 10 days?”

Me: “No, it’s due back on the 15^th.”

Patron: “Right. So have it back in 10 days.”

Me: “Three weeks.”

Patron: “Two weeks?”

Me: “THREE. WEEKS!”

Patron: “I thought they were 10 days.”

Numbers Are Also Relative, Maybe?
Patron: “How many movies can I check out at once?”

Me: “Five per card.”

Patron: “So I can only take one then?”

Me: “I mean… do you currently have 4 others checked out?”

Patron: “No, I’ve never used my card.”

Me: “So… you can have Five. Per. Card.”

Patron: “So, since I can only get one, can you hold these others for me until I come back?”