Librarian Recommended

That’s My Ringtone:

Me: “Um, excuse me sir, but you can’t bring kittens into the library, only service animals are allowed.”

Patron: (who clearly has several young kittens stuffed into his windbreaker) “Kittens? Nah, I don’t have kittens, that sound was my ring tone.”

Kitten: Pokes its head out of windbreaker and meows loudly.

Patron: “Ok, well, guess I will go.”

I Misunderstood That:

Patron: “Excuse me, do you have a mouse?”

Me: “Oh my! We might! I mean, we are on a park and they do live out there, did you see one? We can notify an exterminator, or we do have some humane catch and release traps.”

Patron: (kind of blinks at me a few times) “I mean do you have a computer mouse I can use? The one you have on there seems to be broken.”

TMI:

Patron: “Excuse me, is there a hospital nearby, I am having an emergency!”

Me: “Oh my! Do you need me to call 911?”

Patron: “No! I don’t want 911 just tell me the address of the closest hospital!”

Me: “Here you go! I am afraid we only have one and it’s across town!”

Patron: “Well, then guess I got to get going, I have about a 3 mile walk and I have uncontrollable diarrhea!”

Are You a Time Lord, Sir?

A patron appearing to be in his late 30s or early 40s approaches the service desk.

Patron: “Excuse me, it’s been a while since I’ve been here and I’ve forgotten my PIN”

Me: “Your PIN will be the year you were born.”

Patron: “Well I put in 1882 and it didn’t work so it’s obviously not that!”

Me: “EIGHTEEN 82?

Patron: “YEAH!”

Me: “Do you want to try NINETEEN 82?”

Patron: …………………..”Oh.”………………………

That’s Not How That Works:

Patron: “Do you guys buy used books?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry we don’t, but we accept donations through our Friends of The Library group, if that’s an option.”

Patron: “No, I really would rather sell them… see, I have a LOT of eBooks on my Kindle and I read them already so I thought I would sell some to make room for more.”

Me: “I’m sorry… did you say you wanted to sell your eBooks?”

Patron: “Yeah, do you know any place in town that buys eBooks? I asked at Barnes & Noble and they said no.”

Me: Very gently tries to explain why you can’t SELL eBooks.

Patron: “WELL THAT’S JUST STUPID!”